Retiring from the international game...

Playing for this? Or for yourself?

Firstly for our regular readers a point of business, I now have a Football manager team. It's PAOK Salonika. I know, I know it was obvious, don't know why I never thought it sooner. For the record, Salpigidis is a hell of a player.

OK, now to my rant. The rant is going to be Scotland-centric but the same principles apply regardless of whether you're from Canada, Wales or Tibet.

I wish to announce my retirement from international football. Pointless isn't it?  I may be stating the obvious but I'm not an international footballer. That being said in his time Berti Vogts handed out Scotland caps to dozens of people who weren't international footballers. Kevin Kyle for instance. Seriously, Kevin Kyle has TEN Scotland caps. Ten. Take a minute and think about that.

It's not pleasant is it.

 

Back to my mental meanderings. International football is an honour, not a choice. If you're body is almost kaput and not playing international football will extend your career for a year or so I'll cut you some slack but if a footballer is in their prime and they choose to quit international football it should be a one way ticket. Once you've said your gone, your gone. Or if you've blotted your copybook enough to be kicked out, you're out. Let me illustrate by taking a few Scotland players as examples. 

1. Barry Ferguson - Arguably the most talented Scottish player of his generation, not that that's saying much, and Scotland captain Ferguson showed his reverence for the office by getting alcoholically hammered after a football hammering by the Dutch and then flicking obscene hand gestures when benched for the following game against Iceland. The SFA told him he was finished and showing the intestinal fortitude and backbone of an amoeba with dysentery said he could play again a few months later. Ferguson to his (meagre) credit said no thanks. He can concentrate on the big time of playing eternal sideways passes at such footballing Valhallas as London Road, Peterborough and Keepmoat Stadium, Doncaster next season.

2 Allan McGregor - Arguably Scotland's second best goalkeeper of his generation but with the advantage of not being made of glass and cobwebs unlike the slightly more talented Craig Gordon. Gordon would be Scotland number one for years to come if he could only go for longer than 10 minutes at a time without breaking a bone in his arm. Anyway back to McGregor, he too was banned for his involvement in Ferguson's booze and V flicking but lo and behold was back in the team within 18 months. 

3. Lee McCulloch - Arguably one of the most functional players of his generation. Mcculloch was always an "all right" player. Decent at Motherwell and a squad player at the footballing giants of Wigan Athletic, McCulloch became a utility player at Rangers and picked a fair few Scotland caps before retiring from the international game to spend more time with his family and save his ageing body for his club career. That would seem fair enough but a few months later made himself available for selection again as his reasons for quitting weren't what he said at the time but that he didn't like the Scotland management. 

4. Kris Boyd - Arguably the finest Scottish goalscorer and flat track bully of his generation. I confess that at one time I thought Boyd was an integral part of Scotland future being that rarest of commodities, a Scot who could score goals. Through his career Boyd scored barrowloads of club goals and in fairness had a respectable international record. Then the Norway game happened. An admittedly disappointing 0-0 draw in which poor Chris Iwelumo had one split second of madness and missed an open goal. Boyd then informed the world, through Sky Sports News, that he would not play again for Scotland again under then manager George Burley (although Burley had rarely picked him). It's interesting that Boyd, who has never fully understood how to stay onside, should have a tactical and tactical disagreement with his coach. Now here's the thing, if Iwelumo had scored as he should have and Scotland had won 1-0 would still have flounced out? Boyd has shown Scotland what they're missing by going on to be very disappointing for both Middlesbrough and Nottingham Forest and achieving the status of "expensive fringe player" at these clubs.

5. Steven Fletcher - Now Fletcher is unusual as he wasn't a Rangers player when he walked out on the Scotland team. Fletcher chucked the toys out of the pram after not being picked to play against Spain or the Czechs and texted the Scotland management to say he wasn't playing any more. As good a player as I think Fletcher is he wasn't even first choice for Wolverhampton Wanderers at the time so why he thought he should be first choice against the World Cup winners is a bit of a mystery. To use a good good Scots phrase he's "pissed on his chips" as far as playing again under current manager Craig Levein goes. While this robs Scotland of a decent striker it leaves a space for someone who will work as part of the team and maybe keeps an unnecessary (and somewhat unwarranted) ego out of the dressing room.

1 - Playing for your country is an honour. While on national team duty you are literally representing your country. The world is watching, well at least Eurosport is. If you can't stay professional for three or four days maybe you're not the right temperament to be a sports professional in the first place.

2 - If your national coach tells you to sit on the bench you say "Yes Boss" and train harder to start the next game. If your national coach tells you to play out of position you say "Yes Boss" and give of your best. If your national coach tells you to put on a skateboard helmet and run into a wall you say "Yes Boss" and do it. If you don't like the coach or disagree with him it doesn't matter a jot because you're not playing for him, your playing for the flag, the badge, the 50000 paying punters in the stadium and the millions at home watching on TV. If you don't understand this you're not playing for the badge, you're playing for yourself and that's the biggest sin you can commit playing for your country. If you don't want to be there you don't have to be. If you think you're too good for the Scotland squad go home. There's five million souls behind you in the queue to take your place who know what it means to pull on that shirt.

3. You don't retire from international football, it retires you. Or at least it should. 

So where are we at the end of all that? International selection isn't the honour it once was and it appears to expose character flaws in those without the cojones to knuckle down and commit to the cause. To be a primadonna in a team sport you have to be special. To be such a primadonna that you disrupt your national team you have to by quasi-legendary. players like Cruyff and Maradona are in that echelon, Fletcher, Boyd and McCulloch are most certainly not. Sadly it seems that sometimes everyone in the stadium is interested in an international match apart from the players.

Incidentally, if anyone knows where I can get a PAOK Salonika shirt for the collection then let me know...

www.footballjerseymuseum.com

Twitter- @footyjerseys

Not fit to wear the jersey...

A disgrace to the (rather nice) jersey?

Footballers are a strange breed in a strange situation. They can be lionised one minute for being good at their job and pilloried the next for doing something morally questionable which has nothing to do with their job. Take the case of Ryan Giggs for instance. A few weeks ago he was seen as "Mr Nice Guy" and the elder statesman of Manchester United's playing staff, second only in saintliness to Bobby Charlton. Now his stock has never been lower because of the sort of personal life which the public seem quick to condemn but lap up daily on Jeremy Kyle or Jerry Springer. Ryan Giggs is as good a player as he was six months ago but the sheen has come off him and he's no longer the housewife's choice he at one time was. Ironically if he were an actor or a pop star this behaviour would probably make him edgy and get him on chat shows. In sport though it means the end of sponsorship deals and undoubtedly pithy chants from opposing fans.  Now here's my question, if Ryan Giggs wasn't a footballer and was let's say a lawyer or car salesman for arguments sake would anyone even care what he did in his private life? I'm not condoning his behaviour, far from it, but if the people involved want to live like that and accept the situation then that's their business and frankly I couldn't give a toss. Giggs is pilloried by the media (or given the Tiger woods treatment as it's known) for having a dubious private life. He's not the first, he wont be the last and in the great scheme of things it doesn't affect his ability to do his job. It's not like anything criminal has happened, distasteful yes but not illegal. don't feel too sorry for footballers though. If they turn out to be alcoholics or wife beaters it seems to turn them into folk heroes. The rousing ovation given by Glasgow Rangers fans after Paul Gascoigne confessed to domestic abuse or the pseudo-state funeral given to George Best by Belfast just go to show that so long as you're a footballer just about anything can be forgiven. I understand that alcoholism is an illness but people should be lauded for beating it, not living with it and letting it contribute to their downfall.

Now take the case of everyone's favourite pantomime baddie, Senegal's  El Hadji Diouf. Now this guy is a peice of work. I say this with no axe to grind with any club he's played for in England but here's a guy who really does need a look at. Diouf has been at best a decent player in his time in England. His roll call of clubs show his level. Liverpool, Bolton Sunderland and Blackburn have all thought better of employing him (although Blackburn still have to find someone to take him permanently). I'm not trying to be deliberately provocative to Liverpool in that last sentence but they weren't great under Houllier and Diouf was only one of many, many bad purchases in that period. Let that be a warning to everyone not to buy a player based on tournament performance. Remember Toto Schillachi, Oleg Salenko or Milan Baros? Rubbish players bought for far too much money after three or four good games in a summer tournament. Anyway, back to my point, Diouf is a different kettle of fish to a Giggs, Rooney or John Terry. Diouf regularly disgraces himself while playing football or to be more legalistic about it, while on duty representing his employer. He's not a hard player or even a dirty player per say, every club has their hard men and they tend to be cult heroes but Diouf is a player with a history of spitting and generally instigating trouble. I've played football and am willing to forgive anyone the very occasional red mist moment but Diouf has down the years spat at two different set of opposing fans and in at least one opponents face and, with a real touch of class taunted an opponent with a leg broken in two places, all done while wearing the kit of his employers. I'm no employment lawyer but am fairly sure that if anyone reading this goes to work tomorrow and spits in someone's face it will be the last thing you do in that job. Why is this tolerated by someone who is a pretty average footballer and is on tens of thousands of pounds a week? Is it because he's a great player? Well no, not particularly. Not at all actually. If a club were to terminate his contract he could walk away and sign for someone else and probably would but so what? What does a player have to do for a club to say enough's enough, that behaviour is not befitting an employee of this club ergo you're not fit to wear the jersey? I don't know but I suspect Diouf is on a mission to find out. Blackburn did at least have the sense to get Diouf out of town last season and bump him on loan to Glasgow Rangers where I'm sure he fitted in nicely with such club ambassadors and paragons of upstanding behaviour as Kyle Lafferty but must surely want to get him off the books for next season. There's rumblings of Sam Allardyce wanting Diouf at West Ham which isn't surprising as Big Sam seems to regard Diouf as his own personal winged monkey and take him from club to club.

So there's my question - why do people care what footballers do off the pitch and tolerate what they do on it? Were Diouf to sign for my team he would undoubtedly be the highest profile player at the club but I honestly wouldn’t want him wearing my team’s colours and badge. Ultimately a club’s reputation and heritage must stand for something to the fans, if not the management. Maybe I’m a bit of an old traditionalist but I’m not sure I’d want a player, however good to represent my club if he has consistently shown himself to be a reprehensible disgrace to the jersey repeatedly. What he does off the pitch so long as it’s not criminal is his business.

 In summation 

·         Don’t lionise footballer and regard them as role models because their good at football. It doesn’t stop them being philanderers, drunks or generally unpleasant in the real world.

·         A player, while on the pitch represents the club. If that club stands for ANYTHING then a certain levels professionalism and behaviour has to be adhered to.  Failure to enforce it simply tacitly accepts and endorses the miscreant acts.

Come to think of it I wouldn’t want Giggs at my team either. It's not because of a lack of ability or his personal life but because many years ago he put his name to singularly the worst computer football game ever...

It was so bad. 

www.footballjerseymuseum.com

Twitter- @footyjerseys 

 

 

Looking for a new club...

Decisions, decisions...

The end of the football season is an uncertain time for many in the football world. Contracts finish, transfer windows open and in my case there's a new edition of Football Manager and some major decisions to make. 

Naturally my playing career has been glittering with hundreds of games under my belt for such footballing luminaries as Wallace Primary School P6, Monday Night Muppets, Dukla CRD and Poynton Gentlemens Sunday Lunchtime Recreational Association Football Wanderers. There was even a game in 1994 when I was selected to play against Iceland (admittedly it was against Iceland the frozen food retailer and I was playing as a ringer for Littlewoods, not for Scotland) and *this goal at the Mecca of football that is Moss Rose Macclesfield. 

My virtual football management career has been similarly impressive with league victories with St Mirren (naturally), Leeds Utd, Fakel Voronezh, Macclesfield Town, Torpedo Moscow, Busan Transport Corporation and Stockport County amongst others. There's even been a Champions League win with Leeds. Now I have a copy of Football Manager 2011 installed on my laptop and am struggling to find a team to manage. Sometimes I start a game and it just doesn't "take". For some reason I just don't connect with a team and don't get the almost narcotic urge to play it. A game of Football Manager isn't a proper game unless every spare waking moment is spent considering what to do about cover for your right back and if your defensive midfielder will be fit enough for the league cup replay away to Arbroath or Anzhi Makhlachkala or Kettering Town. I'm not proud of it but will admit to being reduced to thinking about team formations and who should be on the sub's bench while I'm sitting on the toilet. At that point you have to accept you have a problem. This behaviour manifests itself in other ways. I have a dislike for certain clubs and players for things they have done on a computer game. I'm aware this is irrational but I will still never forgive Martin Rowlands for not signing for me when I was in charge of Stockport County. Airdrie United will always be a pariah club to me not for anything the actual club has done but for a late equaliser they got in a 3-3 draw while playing the 2002 variant of Football Manager. The inverse is also true. I have a fondness for relatively obscure players across the world because of performances they've put in on a computer game! In our house never a bad word is said about Marat Bikmaev, Nathan Ellington, Alexandr Pavlenko, Michal Gottwald or Peter Weatherson (even if Weatherson does now play for Greenock Morton).

So now I have a new game and am looking for a new challenge, a new team, a new horizon. But where to go? Corinthians Paulista is an option to have a tilt at the Brazilian league and Copa Libertadores but Brazil has about 5 million footballers with approximately 12 names between them all. Persitara Jakarta Utara is nicely exotic but have you ever looked at the Indonesian league? Well no you obviously haven't because you're a well adjusted human being but I have looked at it and it's a Byzantine web of clubs nearly all called Persisomething. I thought about the A-League but couldn't find a club I liked the look of (no teams with black and white striped shirts for a start!) I even considered the MLS but lost the will to live when I came up against the MLS Superdraft. What in the name of goodness is a superdraft? Some sort of air conditioner?

So that's me left looking for a club for the adventure to begin again and for the next Artur Tlisov or Alex Teixieira to come along and join the pantheon of obscure footballer who I have a Football Manager soft spot for. Who should I manage? All suggestions gratefully received so answers on a postcard to the usual address...

*Please note if viewing the video ignore the commentary from my so called friends. They're just jealous of my pace, composure and Adonis like physique

www.footballjerseymuseum.com

Twitter- @footyjerseys

Who's the greatest?

Messi - a poor man's Gardner Speirs?

Following their demolition of Man Utd in the Champions League Final last week Barcelona have been touted as the greatest team ever. Obviously Barcelona aren't the greatest team ever, the St Mirren side of the mid to late 1980s were. End of discussion. Next topic please.

Xavi Hernandez may well have a World Cup, European Championship, Champions Leagues and a liberal sprinkling of La Liga medals but is he not just a pale imitation of Tony Fitzpatrick? I mean Xavi couldn't carry off a 'tache like Fitz could. Leo Messi's dribbling and trickery may well make him the finest exponent of the game today but I'll bet he's not got as many Renfrewshire Cup medals as Frank McGarvey. And as for Sergio Busquets, let's put him up against Billy Abercromby and give Busquets a good reason to roll about holding his face. Or knee. Or nurse some massive internal injuries.

Let's just say for arguments sake that you disagree about St Mirren's place in the football pantheon and we reopen the "who's the greatest" discussion. It's a facile and pointless discussion but it kills a couple of hours at the pub. I never saw the Real Madrid of the late 50s and early 60s play (I have a DVD of the 63 European Cup final but haven't got round to watching it so don't tell me the result) ditto for the Bayern and Ajax sides of the 70s. I did see the Liverpool side of the 80s play and while I confess to being very young all I seem to remember is Hansen, Whelan, Lawrenson etc passing back to Bruce Grobbelaar but I'm sure there was more to them than that. I also saw the Milan side of the late 80s and early 90s, van Gaal's mid 90s Ajax and now this Barca side. They were all great sides and all boasted fine players. I'd have to say that of the sides I've seen that the current Barca side is the best but is that just because I saw them most recently? Or because they play pretty football? Or because I have a soft spot for Barcelona? Who knows? For what it's worth I'd say that Barca play the game with a level of technical purity no other side has got close to (honourable mention to van Gaal's Ajax) even allowing for the likes of Dani Alves and Sergio Busquets' cynicism and theatrics. The other point about this Barca team is that it's also the core of the obscenely successful Spanish side which has swept all before them in recent years. Other club sides have strongly influenced national sides previously, Bayern and Ajax back in the 70s for instance but has a club side ever had such a big influence on such a successful national team as this Barcelona team has on the Spanish? Holland never actually won anything with Cruyff etc in the team and Bayern didn't have as many players in the West German side (I think) but Spain seem to steamroller team largely in a Barcelona style with largely Barcelona players.

I'm sure older and wiser heads than I would scoff and say that this side isn't fit to lace the boots of the Honved and Real Madrid sides of the 50s or the tragic Torino side of the 40s and they may be right but this only proves what a pointless discussion it is. Apart from the hugely subjective nature of such a judgement the  game has evolved so quickly and completely that it's almost a different sport compared to 20 years ago, never mind 60 or 70 years ago. The athleticism and speed of the game is higher now than it ever was and tactical innovations along with rule changes have made it harder than ever to score a goal. I'm sure that Puskas would be as fearsome player now as he was 60 years ago but just in a different way just as Zidane or Messi would be world class playing back in the 50s but they wouldn't be the same players. Puskas, Pele, Beckenbauer, Maradona, Campbell Money, Gullit, Zidane and Messi are and were all products of their footballing time and place and as such can only really be compared to their contemporaries for a value judgement. Comparing them against each other is as pointless as the "who's the greatest guitarist" debate, another staple of the pub bore. 

All that taken into account I'd have to stand by my belief that the current Barca side is as good as I've seen but I still have one nagging doubt about those players. Not one of them can be considered truly great until they've knocked in a scrappy toe poke against Greenock Morton on a dark February afternoon. Then, and only then, can their names be mentioned in the same breath as the all time greats like Peter Godfrey, Tommy Wilson...

www.footballjerseymuseum.com

Twitter- @footyjerseys

Running for FIFA presidency

I hereby announce my candidacy for FIFA presidency to prevent Blatter unopposed coronation for another term. Football clearly has it's problems and I'm confident that the following manifesto will sweep me to power in a landslide. I assume you can vote on Facebook or Twitter for me or something so I'll sit by the phone waiting on Jerome Valcke to call. Not all of the suggestions are entirely in jest.

Rule Changes

If, in the opinion of the referee, an attacker has dived to get a free kick then the defender accused of committing the foul gets a "free kick" at the attacker who is feigning injury. A few boots caving in rib cages should provide an incentive for players to stay on their feet.

If a defender shields the ball to allow it to run out for a goal kick or throw in, blocking an attacker from reaching the ball with his body then it's sodding obstruction. If you aren't in control of the ball then shielding it's a foul! It's a foul on the halfway line but for some reason not near goal.

Journeyman or average players wearing coloured boots are to be dealt with by automatic yellow cards. Only exciting players should be allowed to stand out in such a way. If a player refuses to change into footwear more befitting his ability and creativity then he is to be red carded. The credibility of football cannot stand up to the mockery of a defensive midfielder from Stirling Albion or Barnet giving it the "big I am" in red or yellow boots. People might see!

Clubs with boring away kits (i.e plain yellow or white) are be docked 20 points at the start of the season. Obviously this will cause major problems for Glasgow Celtic but they'll just need to sort it out.

League games ending 0-0 result in no points being awarded. The aim of the game is to score goals and if neither team scored then they've both failed. That should brighten up the last 20 minutes of some games and get rid of the "what we have, we hold" attitude displayed by some clubs.

Administration

World Cups for 2014, 2018 and 2022 are to be retracted and reallocated to countries which are better for me to watch on TV in terms of time zones. I remember '86, '94 and '02. World Cup games at ungodly hours interfere with my enjoyment of it. Either the host countries run on GMT or they lose the World Cup. I'm not sitting up till 2am to watch Belgium versus Tunisia but I would watch it at 7pm.

Corruption and bribery will not be cleaned up but lessened. I'm not honest but I'm cheaper then Blatter, Warner et al.

The Champions League, Europa League, Copa Libertadores, African Champions League and Asian Champions League are all to be downgraded in importance, prestige and prize money and FIFA will re-prioritise the Renfrewshire Cup as the World's Premier club tournament. The winners of champions League etc can all play each other in a play off for one place in the quarter finals against Arthurlie or Port Glasgow Juniors.

Unimaginative or Low Grade football punditry in the media will result in a country losing coefficient points. This will mean that football association will have to shut up the likes of Lawrenson, Shearer, Jamie Redknapp, Ray Hudson, Gerry McNee and Chick Young or face having to start qualifying for tournaments alongside teams from Andorra's fourth division.

Sponsorship deals will be reappraised. Some kit manufacturers will be told to sling their hook until they can make some decent kit (Reebok, Nike - you have been warned!). I am also of the opinion that FIFA arent making the World Cup commercial enough and will personally spearhead the search for the 2014 tornament sponsors depending on which companies send me the best goodies. 

Philosophy

My FIFA administration will be based largely around my own prejudices (settling scores with teams which annoy me) and while I have strongly held principles they can be bought at remarkably modest rates. I reckon I'd only need to last about six or nine months to be set for life then someone else can get a go.

I couldn't do any worse and promise not to piss all the money away swan and panda steak buffets.

Vote for me, what's the worst that could happen?

www.footballjerseymuseum.com

Twitter- @footyjerseys